That was fantatic! I don't think I've ever read a fic where Angel was so broken, doing things like this to someone who wasn't evil or a fellow demon. It kind of raised the very real question in my mind of what might have happened, what might he have done if Darla hadn't been there to readily accept abuse that others couldn't have taken so easily?
And you answered that question so beautifully. Xander was so spot on here, down to comedy and the flailing that are so typical and seem to sometimes be his only defense mechanisms. How wrong is it that those scenes where Angel fucked him were so damn hot to me? I played them back in forth in my mind, knowing that if Xander didn't willinly participate, then it must've been rape - but Angel made sure that he enjoyed it each an every time. I wondered if Xander wouldn't have willingly given in to these same things if asked under different circumstances.
The fact tha Xander had previously had sexual dreams about Angel only served to make it more confusing for him - and I felt so sorry for him during that first shower that Angel let him take. That tenderness, that loving, for Xander to believe it was truly meant for him - and then Angel calling out for William. It made me ache for both of them, because Angel was clearly wanting something that Xander really couldn't provide - but maybe Spike could have.
I just died for Willow, having to do that to save Xander - and being so strong while he was breaking. When she broke down in the car, I cried too. But how much did I love when Xander found out what had happened to Buffy and just kind of took charge - deciding what they would have to do.
At the end, thinking of how he'd lie to Cordy about what had happened - I wondered just how Xander really felt about Angel, even after everything.
It was a very powerful piece, and I'm glad I got to read it in one straight shot - I think I would've died with the waiting!
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Date: 2007-03-26 05:39 am (UTC)And you answered that question so beautifully. Xander was so spot on here, down to comedy and the flailing that are so typical and seem to sometimes be his only defense mechanisms. How wrong is it that those scenes where Angel fucked him were so damn hot to me? I played them back in forth in my mind, knowing that if Xander didn't willinly participate, then it must've been rape - but Angel made sure that he enjoyed it each an every time. I wondered if Xander wouldn't have willingly given in to these same things if asked under different circumstances.
The fact tha Xander had previously had sexual dreams about Angel only served to make it more confusing for him - and I felt so sorry for him during that first shower that Angel let him take. That tenderness, that loving, for Xander to believe it was truly meant for him - and then Angel calling out for William. It made me ache for both of them, because Angel was clearly wanting something that Xander really couldn't provide - but maybe Spike could have.
I just died for Willow, having to do that to save Xander - and being so strong while he was breaking. When she broke down in the car, I cried too. But how much did I love when Xander found out what had happened to Buffy and just kind of took charge - deciding what they would have to do.
At the end, thinking of how he'd lie to Cordy about what had happened - I wondered just how Xander really felt about Angel, even after everything.
It was a very powerful piece, and I'm glad I got to read it in one straight shot - I think I would've died with the waiting!