Happy Phantom: Spangel? kinda?

[thatotherperv]

Title: The Happy Phantom
Author: Mel (btvslover82)
Pairing: erm? Spangel? No pairing? Spike/his cock?
Rating: well…there’s nakedness, and some naughty self-touching, but not much in the way of porn. R? *soft* R?
Summary: We all know Spike played some naughty pranks when he was un-corporeal…
Disclaimer: Joss could only hint at anything this fun. I just ran with it. and I am, alas, still poor. don’t sue me.
Feedback: please!

Title/inspiration from Tori Amos’ “Happy Phantom”




“Aaaannnngggeellllll.”

Spike smirked when Angel looked up and promptly gaped at him, fish-faced. “You’re…Spike…what the…why are you in my office NAKED?”

“Mmm….” Spike pretended to think about it. “Wanted to see if it was as freeing to go starkers when I technically had no body.” He grinned like a naughty little boy. “Happy to report, it is.”

Angel continued to stare at him as though he’d lost his mind along with his corporeal body. “Why are you here?”

Spike ignored him completely. “Feels good to have my tackle swinging in the breeze. Gettin’ a bit of fresh air, innit?” He wiggled his hips tauntingly, and grinned smugly when Angel’s eyes immediately fixed on his swaying cock. “Enjoying the view, Peaches?”

Wide brown eyes snapped back to his own. Angel managed to make a series of amusingly incoherent sputtering sounds. “You…I…it…put your fucking clothes on!”

Spike grabbed his package with his wanking hand and shook it at his sire. The tip of a pink tongue winked out between white human teeth as he waggled his eyebrows.

“Make me.”

Spike laughed when Angel rushed three steps forward in a fury, then took a stuttering half-step back.

“Spike! You and I both know I can’t touch you.”

Spike tssked sadly. “You poor, repressed bastard. Still pretending the bisexuality went the way of your ‘evil twin,’ eh?”

Angel’s fists clenched at his sides. He was wearing an expression that would have sent Spike’s balls shrinking, back in the day. But currently, it was plain to see that they still hung low. “No, you moron, I can’t touch you because you’re a ghost. I. can’t. touch. you.”

Spike gasped with falsified shock. “Is that so? I really hadn’t thought…this was rather unfair of me, wasn’t it?” The look of exaggerated contrition was undercut by the sly hand stroking his cock.

Angel growled and lunged for Spike, hands passing benignly through his torso.

Spike threw his head back, increasing the pace of his stroking, moaning campily. “Ohhh, Angel, oh yeah, baby, just like that, touch me so deep—“

“I’m going to kill you. I’m going to find a way to corporealize you, just so that I can drive a stake through that annoying, useless lump you call a heart.”

Spike smirked. “You want to drive something into my—“

Both men froze as Fred scurried through the office door without knocking.

“Angel, I have the report on the slime you pulled off of that…demon…...”

Fred’s voice immediately died away as she looked up from her clipboard, eyes saucer-wide as they flitted from Angel to Spike, to Spike’s….

“Oh my.”

Spike looked down at the semi-erect cock in his hand and fumbled to cover himself. “Fred! We were just…uh…we were um….” He looked to Angel for assistance, but Angel had been rendered mute with poncy mortification. “We were just playing a little game.” Spike cringed as soon as he said it—and if it were possible, his sire looked even more flummoxed.

But Fred just smiled in that sweet Southern way she had about her. “I understand, you were just bein’ a pest to Angel to get his attention. Like a little boy pullin’ a girl’s pigtails...except, you know...naked.”

Spike was all set to agree, pleased that she recognized his evil plan, until he realized what she had said.

He frowned and went to brace his hands on his hips, but then thought better of removing the hands that were keeping him decent. “Oi, I’ll have you know I don’t need the ponce’s attention. Just wanted to piss him off. And just which one of us is the girl in this scenario?”

The corner of her mouth twisted up in amusement. “Angel, of course.”

Spike’s pleased “Damn straight” was completely eclipsed by an indignant “Hey!” from the poof.

Fred rolled her eyes. “Now if you boys are done, I really need to get Angel to OK the development of a neutralizing serum before this slime fizzles the brains of half my laboratory.”

Spike cleared his throat. “I’ll just be um…”

He pointed to the door with one finger and edged out sideways, keeping his bum out of Fred’s sight.

Blast, he hadn’t gotten to the best part of his evil plan to drive Angel off his nut. He threw two fingers to the one lawyer-minion who dared glare at his nudity, suddenly backing up as he passed a door containing another repressed wonder. Birds of a feather, and all that rot.

Maybe the plan wasn’t for a loss after all. Spike ducked into the office.

“Weessslllleeeeyyyy.”

~*~*~*~

Comments

[vikingprincess]

too funny!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

:) glad it gave you a giggle

[lilithbint.livejournal.com]

*snerk*
this is really well done, got a good giggle with the visuals especially the last bit...

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

ha! I made you snerk!

thanks :) *I* didn't see the last part coming until it was there on the screen. can you just see Wesley's face? :)

[lilithbint.livejournal.com]

you're gonna write it aren't you *hopeful look*
I would be too priceless...

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

dunno, I hadn't thought about it. I'll probably leave it as is. I'm trying to learn the art of letting the ficlet stand on its own. :)

[jans-intentions.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! This is so great! It's exactly something Spike would do. Loved it!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

:) that's what I thought. I was driving down the road and that song came on, and this popped in my head, and I was cackling as I drove down the road.

glad it amused you!

[spikesgurl.livejournal.com]

LOL!!! Love it!!!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

:) glad I could give you a laugh!

[a-bit-wonky.livejournal.com]

OMG. That was great! I'm still sniggering.

Thank you for posting this!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

:) so glad I gave you a giggle! you're quite welcome.

[spankspike.livejournal.com]

He looked to Angel for assistance, but Angel had been rendered mute with poncy mortification.

That has to be one of the most hilarious things I've ever read. I was laughing out loud when I read it. I loved the whole thing from start to finish!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

aww, thanks darlin'. glad it made you laugh. :)

if it was even close to being as funny as your ficlet where Angel fucks the pie, I done good. ;)

[lit-gal.livejournal.com]

Oh, I loved this. All the characters are just so perfectly IN character. Damn, I could see Spike doing this. Actually, I would love to see Spike doing this!:)

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

heehee, you and me both. glad you enjoyed it and my characterization worked for you!

[anindoorkitty.livejournal.com]

*huge grin*

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

<smiles back at you>

[http://users.livejournal.com/woman_of_/]

:-D, a giggle a minute. So Spike, and dumbstruck Angel with Fred. The last line was the killer punch.

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

:) so glad you enjoyed it!

[kindredspirit75.livejournal.com]

LMAO! Thanks for the giggle, sweetie. Made my day.

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

:) yay! I'm so glad.

[shinodabear.livejournal.com]

Firstly: Weee! Tori Amos! *ahem* :)

This was just absolutely brilliant and adorable. Love everything about it.

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

hee, she's great, isn't she.

glad you enjoyed it so much!

[amavel-bel.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha, thanks for this, hun. Made me laugh out loud!!!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

yay! that was the goal. glad you enjoyed it!

[ex-spikeswi.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO!!! That was too cute! I expected the traditional Spike wanking while thinking of Angel fic, and boy was I wrong. This was great! Lately every Spangel you write is great. I'm enjoying your stories so much and really look forward to your posts. BTW, I read Pompeii last night and fell in love with it. Thank you for your recommendation. *g*

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

so glad you loved Pompeii! it originally caught my attention because I thought the setting, pompeii before the quake, was interesting, but the romance is just great, isn't it? I'd rec that one to the ends of the earth (ha).

and thank you so much for all your kind words about my writing! I really appreciate it. this came to me when the ipod picked that tori amos song at random as I was driving through Yellowstone, and I amused *myself* so much that I was laughing out loud in the car by myself. I knew I had to share it asap :)

[truly-tazi.livejournal.com]

LOL too funny. :)

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

glad you got a giggle!

[so-sharlemaine.livejournal.com]

You are such a breath of fresh air in our fandom. I love this. And you just write and write. I find myself looking for your posts when I log onto LJ. I'm so glad you're here.

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

oh honey! what a lovely compliment. a very lovely one. thank you for the warm fuzzy, and I'm glad you enjoy my stuff. I sometimes wish I had started writing sooner, but this is the first creative writing binge I've been on in 5 years (where did the time go?). I am being rather prolific right now, aren't I? that will probably change just a bit when I start vet school in the fall, which is maybe why I'm writing my pants off right now. but I'll still be around...it's great stress relief!

[celticseductres.livejournal.com]

That was utterly brilliant! I'm still giggling! Good job!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

:) glad you got a laugh sweetheart! thanks!

[incasink.livejournal.com]

Still pretending the bisexuality went the way of your evil twin... lol! Lovely little scene that wouldnt have been too far out of the show's canon.... ;)

Love you!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

heehee! she loves me! I kinda love you right back.

glad you got a giggle...I was driving through the national park laughing maniacally myself as this played out in my head.

[tamibrandt.livejournal.com]

LOL So great. Can actually see him pulling a stunt like that. :)

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

wouldn't he? glad you got a giggle. thanks for reading and commenting!

[gilesgirl.livejournal.com]

OMGOMGOMGOMG! I can't stop LAUGHING! This whole thing...*giggles like crazy*...and Angel being called a girl and Fred CALLING him that...and then Spike....heehee...going into Wesley's office.

HALARIOUS!!!

*giggles some more*

Thanks for the laugh!!!!! This fic was GREAT!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

lmao, glad you enjoyed it so much! I was giggling over the idea of it before I write it!

[yanagi-wa.livejournal.com]

*Snicker*

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

wow, how'd you find this! lmao. that was a while back.

glad you got a laugh!