Recs for the love that dare not speak its name ;)

[thatotherperv]

so. I have a secret.

well, ok, it's not so much a secret as something I've never stated explicitly, and most of you find me pervy enough that you won't be shocked when I say

that the idea of Spike getting off on an inanimate object occasionally rings my bell. and I don't mean toys. toys don't count. these are innocent inanimate objects not asking for someone to come along and defile them, but you know Spike: evil vampire. evil, unscrupulous vampire who doesn't care how he gets off *cough* and sometimes, portrayed that way even when he's human. *snerk*

so, here we go, and if anybody's read any others that I've missed, please let me know. *cough* also, I don't believe I've ever read any of my other boys in such a ficlet, but again...I'm willing to be corrected :D



Spike/object

vamptastica has this...god...awesome little thing called The First Time: blood magic and moonlight which I adore. it makes me snort and snicker, and I think there's really no better way to explain vamps' sense of humor than to point you that direction. I feel like I'm spoiling the effect by putting it in this category, but let's all pretend to be surprised, shall we? and I won't tell you the pairing, so to speak.

now, to me, Spike/Mr. Gordo sounds like a winner just based on principle. something about the idea just...seems right, doesn't it? ok, don't answer that, because then I'll find out I'm the only one, and be forced to curl up and cry with my perverse otp ideas. anyway, it seemed like a good idea to start off with, and when felisblanco wrote it...I was enthralled. literally. and so believable. Spike's dirty talk is...well, I'm laughing just thinking about it.

I think eyezrthewindows is the only person I know that can make me consciously think a sentence such as "dear god, why aren't *more* men fucking melons?" Because if it's as good as she makes it sound in her human AU The Aftermath of Squishy and Warm, I'm really shocked there hasn't been a run on the produce isle. it's a joke that's always made me snicker, but...a melon for ecstasy, indeed.

eyez also has Glorious, which I suppose isn't *technically* an inanimate object fic, since another being is involved, but...I feel like it belongs here. mystical glory hole, baby...I'd pay to watch Spike fuck a wall. *nods*

aaannnd she also has Leather. three guesses the inanimate object that's about. well. you're probably wrong. this is hilarious.

jesus, maybe *she's* the perv, actually, and not me. hahaha. one more. Spike/corset, sort of, in Memento. cross-dressing generally so doesn't do it for me, but I was brainwashed at an early age by the goth community to find men in corsets and skirts manly sexy. I'm a victim of my upbringing ;)

ladyoneill has this really funny one called Plastic Love. when Spike is rejected in FFL, he decides he doesn't need the real Buffy anyway...after all, he has that mannequin, and she doesn't talk back. *snerk*

moosesal wrote this uh Spike/clipboard thing called Clipped Heart. How on earth does one have sex with a clipboard? well. there are ways, apparently. lmao. it's set in Sunnydale and sheds a whole new light on Spike's possessiveness of the clipboard in As5.



ETA: I stand corrected on inanimate object love being restricted to Spike. see, this is why I should use caveats like "my memory sucks, so I know I'm forgetting something." :D



Angel/object

nobody writes hilarious smut quite like spankspike. she has this As5 ficlet called The Translator. Angel *thinks* he's using a toy, but actually...well. he should instate a new office rule. no sticking office supplies up your ass without finding out what they are first. :)

and how could I forget! one of the first things I ever read by spankspike was American Pie, Vampire Style. Angel fucks a pie...and then his bits shrink. this fic makes me cry, it's so funny. Oh, Angel, you slay me. office rule #2: no sticking your cock in baked goods from the cafeteria.


Professor Fine/object

nyghtpet has a fic called Rock's Excellent Adventure, about the brief affair between Spike Professor Fine and a rock with very low self-esteem. it was doomed for failure because he wasn't worthy...eeee-yore.

Comments

[spankspike.livejournal.com]

I've written Angel/object - but i can't recall any Spike/object, though I've done lots of Spike/William in a corset.

I'd be happy to write one for you though - just give me an objects and any other suggestions you have fo it.

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

OMG I forgot about that Angel/traslator thing. that was priceless. *goes to add* am I forgetting something else? see, I knew I had read more than that! I just haven't kept track of these, so I was formulating that list from my feeble memory.

[spankspike.livejournal.com]

I also wrote Angel/pie based on a request from girlpire for Angel masturbating in a new/different way.

I have a huge inanimate object kink myself and I think the Spike/Gordo one is the only one you have here that I've read. There was a tiny series that uncouthbrkit did that had Liam/William playing dress-up in the attic. William puts on some corset/Victorian dress combo and has a pretty hot reaction to it - without any assistance from Liam (and they're cousins I believe). I really enjoyed it!

I wrote a scene with Lindsey and his steering wheel once, but he gave up and just spanked it - while he was driving.

You see you have my attention with these!

Since my WIP muse is mostly dead at the moment - I should do a request for a character/inanimate object porn fest. Of course I still owe a few from requests for the 5 times thing I did a couple of months ago.

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

OMG ANGEL/PIE. hahaha. I recc'd that under my spangel too, I loved that fic. *runs to add* fuck, that's the funniest thing ever.

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

oh, and I read uncouthbrkit's thing (in fact, I was her beta back when I was delusional enough to think I had the time), but that's more spangel than object :)

[spankspike.livejournal.com]

I know - just thinking how hot it was. I have a huge corset kink!

I keep it right here with all thirty eight thousand other kinks I have.

And I hope you didn't think you had to put those I did on your list - I was just joining in on the inanimate object porn love.

*still thinking of taking requests for them*

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

lol, nah, I'm impervious to peer pressure on my rec lists. :D they become rather worthless if you cave on stuff you don't really like, right? but I really liked those, so they're now present and accounted for.

hmmm. I'll think on it. I uh. see, I don't write the "pairing" because I have no bunnies for it. I just like them when I come across them. but I'll think. I kind of like the idea of Spike with a rug. like...a really thick-knapped rug. or something.

I'm sure I can come up with others :)

[spankspike.livejournal.com]

I meant that I was thinking of taking requests - just in case that was confusing. Or maybe I'm only confusing myself (which is quite normal). I'd be happy to write you a porny drabble/ficlet with Spike and a rug - or feel free to write it yourself and I'll be there with bells on!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

lol. well, someday I will write a ficlet as an accessory to my s/a/dawn fic that will be a flashback to Spike's early vamp days in which he fucks a handmuff. but anything else...*shrug* not feelin it myself.

if you're inspired by the rug thing, feel free. if not...feel free not to. :) whatever paints your pony.

[spankspike.livejournal.com]

Ooops - of course that should have been suggestions that you have for it!

[nyghtpet.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I've got Professor Fine and a Rock, so it's in a James-shaped box, but not Spike himself. That's the best I got:(

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

interesting! I'm not sure I ever read that. I generally don't do uh *wracks her brains for the name of that show* see? lol. *runs off to read it*

*smooch*

[nyghtpet.livejournal.com]

He (thank god) doesn't try to boink the rock, that would hurt, but it was sadly pornlike in nature. So no penetration, but a fic from a rock's pov should at least give you a laugh, lol.

[jans-intentions.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, ou aer going straight to hell obviously.

[jans-intentions.livejournal.com]

Oops. I can't spell apparently.

You are going straight to hell, er, and I'm obviously on my way there too...

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

I never had any doubts where you were headed :P it's a party and everyone's invited!

[eyezrthewindows.livejournal.com]

*glomps you*

Lmfao. I hadn't realised I'd written that many Spike/various objects. I really *am* a perv *snicker*

Oh, uh, there's a Spike/shag rug somewhere in my ficlets, I think.

*looks*

*grimaces* Okay, wrote that a while ago and my writing style has changed since then but...Spike/shag rug!

Fur.

Turns into Spander, after Xander watches him hump the rug *snerk*

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

hee. yeah, you're a real perv. thank god. lmfao.

oooh, spike/shag rug! I was just telling spankspike I was thinking about that. I'll have to check it out. :)

[eyezrthewindows.livejournal.com]

hee. yeah, you're a real perv. thank god. lmfao.

oooh, spike/shag rug! I was just telling spankspike I was thinking about that. I'll have to check it out. :)

LMfao. Why is my pervy-ness a good thing? :p

Spike just likes to hump all sorts of things, doesn't he?

[hellziggy.livejournal.com]

OMG! I just have so much love for Felis' Mr. Gordo fic! And Spanky's stuff is always brilliant!
Now I'm gonna have to go read those other ones you have linked.... Not that I'm into that or anything...

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

ah, isn't it so god!

Not that I'm into that or anything...
of *course* not! ;)

Spike/Mr. Gordo

[incasink.livejournal.com]

I loved that so hard I broke it.

And I didnt realise until you posted this, just how much i had enjoyed most of these.

Hmmmm.....

Re: Spike/Mr. Gordo

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

heehee, we're all such sickos. the mr gordo thing was most excellent. :)

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

Ha, how much will you love this!

Spike/Inanimate Object Ficathon

*beams*

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

gah! *smooshes it* thanks!

[vamptastica.livejournal.com]

I LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE you. *hee* you made my morning, and OO i love your dragon!!! and why did that sound porny? GOOD god 6 am and porned out again!!! I blame it on Nyght and her naughty naughty daddy fic (GUHHHHH) and the fic she's writing me cause I LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVE hers too. Many i'm just in love with all these fine women that write smut, think you could talk dirty to me too?

*giggles* I'm off to work, i love your list, i'm coming...er...returning later to lap them all up. *Grins* OH and congrats again, for being nommed again. *HUGS* love ya!!!

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

glad to make your morning sweetie. and snerk on the dragon. dirty girl.

steph's incest thing was rather yummy!

lol, I hope you enjoy them. I actually wrote a spike/book thing earlier today that I'll post sometime soon.

I know, I was psyched about the noms! I gotta put them up later today :)

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

Hey, you've got my user name wrong. It's moosesal not moosal. ;-)

Thanks for the rec. I don't know if you want to add these to your list or not, but I've also written these two ficlets:

a Wesley/sarcophagus ficlet (as in Illyria's sarcophagus) -- http://moosesal.livejournal.com/76172.html

Spike/onion blossom - http://moosesal.livejournal.com/159725.html

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

woops! fixed. wouldn't want folks directed to the wrong place :)

you're welcome!

I'll have to check those out. *rubs her hands together at the prospect of more inanimate object molestation*